Video Analyzation: Tecia, Kenny, Julie, Brooke & Ben!

The guy laying down feels guilty about something and is trying to isolate himself from the rest of the world. Everyone around him pesters him to tell them whats wrong with him. He tries to tell them to leave him alone and they don't want to know but they keep asking him over and over again. By him saying this he's saying they don't want their guilty conscious to come out. He's trying to protect them without actually protecting them. In the end of the video the guilt of all the other people is revealed to them and the fall to the ground because they have now done it to themselves.

Just- Radiohead. (Gabby, Drew, Kelsey)

Well i must admit i have never seen any other videos or heard any music from radio head other than video killed the radio star, "Just" isnt as easy to disect though. we think it means that one was adamant on knowing some fact and once they knew they couldnt get rid of it. its really a fact they dont want to know once they find out, but its trapped even if they change their locks 3 times as stated in the lyrics. since all those citizens in the video were so forceful on knowing why the man wouldnt get up and demanded answers they too were told what they really didnt want to know and ended up on the ground too. its a never ending process. maybe its a biblical reference. maybe its a secret that men shouldnt know and will lead to the falling of mankind. kind of like how adam and eve realized they were running around naked all that time, after enjoying that blasted apple. the man on the ground did say that god would forgive him and them. the video is really open to alot of different interpretations.

just

We thought the video's visual was guilt and Self inflicting pain, possibly suicide. Society tried to help him but he doesn't know what he's going through, he wants to be alone, society wanted to help as best as they can because they didn't want him to go through it alone so they laid down with him to help as much as they could. The band says you do it to yourself because you can choose whether or not you want to get help with a situation but he chooses to just live with a situation.

The auditory was mellow tone, kind of a depressing, or down mood. It had kind of a slow long beat. It relates to the video because the video wasn't up beat at all either. The voices were very monotone; there weren’t any high pitches or voice changes. They looked like they weren't happy while they were singing, like they were emotionless.

Katie Allison, Aarin Frazee, Kaitlyn Knapik and Erin Harding and Robin Kline

Just- Radiohead Ellie, Laura, Kyle

The video sounds has fast tempo and has used electric instruments so the song has a rock feel. It's visually interesting as there's a scene that follows the song. Though it may not be obvious we think the band is narrating the scene with the lyrics. When Thom Yorke says "Can't get the stink out, it's been hanging around for days" the man in the scene takes a bath and when the man is confronting the guy who tripped on him it says "Don't get my sympathy". I think the song means that "You do it to yourself" meaning that when you go through your day to day life and it's unfulfilling, it's no ones fault but your own. I think that's the "secret" the man on the ground shares with the crowd.

Radiohead Group Assignment

Chrissy, Greg, Kevin, Todd

In the video Just by Radiohead we think the meaning of the video is that everyone has that friend that brings the group down. The best way for the downer in the group to receive the attention is to act as if they don't want any. When they say you do it to yourself, we see it like everyone who has that friend allows them to bring you down. You don't always have to fall for the pity they desire but you, yourself make the choice to fall for it. And once you do fall for it, the entire group is in the same spot as them, it ruins everyones time.

The audio appears to be a hard rock kind of song, because the guy is just fed up. In the begining as the story plays out the rock is there but as the singer says you do it to yourself, it gets louder and almost allows the point to come accross as stronger. He is angry and sick of providing pitty.

"Just" video

By : Beth , Melanie and Amanda

We think that when the man lays on the ground and is being questioned we think that hes thinking about something major. something that would stop him in his tracks. we think that whatever hes thinking about is something that everyone has gone through or can relate to to stop and lay on the ground with him. We feel like no matter what it was that the guy said, it was said to get sympathy for yourself. You bring things on yourself, everyone dose. its no one else that dose it but you alone. you alone bring this upon yourself. we feel that no matter what he said, he said it so that others would stop and feel sympathy for themselves regardless of what others say.

Why the Gettysburg Address so effective? --Julie, Ben, Kenny, & Tecia

Around the time of the Civil War the United States really just needed unity. With Lincoln's speech he expresses this in a positive way. He uses "we" a lot throughout the Address and he expresses that they are all in this together. The audience is for the nation as a whole. With lines 21 and 22 we really can get a sense that the government wants everyone to stand together.

The last paragraph really states that the brave men who lost their lives did it for a reason and that we need to not let them die in vein. We also think that this speech was extremely effective just because during this time everything was so negative and this speech gave them a silver lining. All these men are dying and this is why. It's recognizing reality, but giving it a purpose. It seems like this speech was exactly what the country needed to hear. The message was really important and obviously got through.

Gettysburg in Class

Lincoln’s Gettysburg address is made rhetorically effective in a few ways. This powerful speech was directed towards the American people after the brutal Civil War. Lincoln was trying to bring the shattered nation back together. He started off using history as an opener about how our founding fathers dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal ( Note: President Obama used same tactic in his Medicare speech.) Lincoln also used repetition in his speech. In particular, he used the word dedicate in many forms and the word "we". We believe that he used dedicate to show the people of America that they had to be committed to this country just the many soldiers that died on this field, and the word we to show that "we" are a unified country, one. Lincoln also states," we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. " He goes on to say that our poor power cannot add or detract it. Lincoln is putting these men that died here far above us. We think that he is trying to show the American people to not let them die in vain, and come together as a united country that the soldiers wanted.

Greg, Todd, Kevin, Chrissy

Gettysburg Adrdress: Brooke, Ellie and Laura

The Gettysburg Address was Lincoln's way of re-establish the idea of freedom, and to commemorate the soldiers who gave their lives to ensure that freedom. In line 10 he made it clear that it wasn't a dedication to them because he's not the person who can dedicate it, the soldiers are and they did. His audience was a very important factor in what he said because it was the friends and family of theses soldiers. He wanted to show them that he felt empathy for them but let them know that they're loved one did not die in vain. The factor that made the speech so powerful was the length. Many people were surprised at how short it was but this was done to show that the message of it was way more important than the amount of content. The speech being short made it more powerful because it was bold and strong and stuck in their minds, a 5 page document would not provide that affect.

ghettysburg address kyle drew kelsey

In the Ghettysburg address Lincoln's audience is the United states, not just the north but the country as a whole. His purpose is trying to show everyone that the United states has to much of a historic backround to give up and fall apart now . He says "The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract." When he said this he was trying to evoke emotion. By saying this he shows how much has been sacrificed to keep the United States running strong. It shows that there is to much put into the Nation to have it crumble as it almost did back in this time. The speech was given in just over 2 minutes time. Which shows the effectiveness of the speech . He was really clear cut and to the point and didn't beat around the bush. He made it powerful by taking about the men that died in battle. He makes this more powerful by using words like brave men and by saying that they struggled to consecrate(make or declare sacred) the country.

Melanie, Amanda, Beth and Kaiti

We think that Lincolns purpose of this speech is to reunite the states and start over again and to dedicate the ground to the brave men that served in the battle. Lincoln used plural words such as us in line 14 and 17 as well as we in line 5 to insure others that we are not in this alone. We think that it was very powerful because he wasnt afraid to talk about the lives lost, nobody really wants to talk about that, but he stood up and used as a reason why we are in this together. that these young men died for the issue we are still dealing with, we need to continue on. In lines 13 and 14 lincoln talks about this by saying "the world little note,nor long remember what we say here but can never forget what they did here." We think what lincoln is trying to say here is actions speak louder than words, and what hes saying in his speech is that the lives lost will be remembered more powerfully that the words talking aouut them. We think that lincolns speech is powerful so that it makes an impression, he wants you to remember what those young men were fighting for, they were fighting for the same issue that everyone is dealing with.

Gettysburg Address

Arrin Frazee, Erin Harding, Katie Allison, Robin Kline, Kaitlyn Knapik
We feel that the Gettysburg Address was made to honor the men fighting for our nation. Lincoln’s audience was citizens of America. We feel that the beginning stands out because it is a phrase everyone is familiar with. Whether they have read the Gettysburg Address in its entirety or not, "For scores and seven years ago" is a powerful and well known opening to the Gettysburg Address. Larger words are used throughout making Abraham Lincoln sound very educated and powerful. His speech is directly for the people, and favoring them. When a speech is like that it grabs the citizens attention and makes them take the speakers side on any given point. Flattery is an easier method to get your way.

the real declaration/Gett. address

I really enjoyed hearing Johnny Cash's version of the Gettysburg Address because although I realize it's importance and everything, I am not very interested in it. Obviously it was something we needed but to me reading it is very boring and to hear a singer that I like do an interpretation of it made it a lot more entertaining and bearable. It was interesting to find out that there were other versions and lots of edits of the Gettysburg Address but in the end does it really matter? Would the results be completely different and a whole new message conveyed? I don't really think so.

I didn't enjoy the reading very much because as I have mentioned before history is not something that particularly peaks my interest. There's some things that I think are interesting to hear about how it came to be and what it all means but for things like documentation I just appreciate it's meaning and recognize that it's out there but it's there it happened I don't really need to know how. I did learn some interesting facts about The Declaration that I never had realized before though. I thought it was a bit ridiculous that Congress deleted close to a third of the texts and made so many changes, something like that could change a document completely and it kind of makes you wonder about the original text. It doesn't really surprise me that Congress made all those changes though. I can definitely understand the annoyance Jefferson had because it probably made him feel like he wasted a lot of time. I also didn't realize that the traditional calligraphy copy that we all picture when we think of The Declaration of Independence was not made till later. Also, I wasn't aware of all the different grammar rules that were in affect back then I never really thought about how grammatical errors were decided and that at one point they were different.

Composing America

I believe that this artical about the gettysburg adress and the Decleration of Independence.Both of these documents are very important in history and in our lives. The Decleration of Independence is very important to us because it simply gives us the freedom to life, liberty and persuit of happiness. In the text it said that Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Robert R. Livingston, Ben Franklin, and Roger Sherman were appointed by congress to prepare some Decleration of Independence. I thought it was weird when it had mentioned that only Jefferson had composed the text and the Decleration of Independence was revised by some committee of members before they had presented to congress. After the Decleration was presented there were about thirty nine alterations and additions to which I found was pretty cool. When you look at the Decleration of Independence you would never have thought that so much editing and fixing went into that wonderful historical document, but it did. We all are not perfect and will never write a perfect paper or document the first try we ever write something. It doesn't matter if you are the pope or the president of the United States , we all make mistakes in writing papers. It may be a big grammar mistake or it may be just a simple punctuation error, it doesn't matter I think that this article just goes to show that everyone makes mistakes and nobody is perfect.

Gettysburg and Declaration

After seeing these two famous speeches presented in the original and modern day fashions i must admit i enjoy the older versions. Johnny Cash, not my thing. there is something about hearing the originals, or reading them. In doing this one can see the authors political strategies, in these cases, and really gets to read all the details of the document.
i also thought it was interesting to read about how even Abraham Lincoln and the Declarartion of Independance had several edits done to them. Every great speech or policy document has been under the eyes of several critics and editors. Even the President had his speech changed and drafted, to add words to relate to the audience in front of him, and inspire people to believe in what they are talking about. This is seen in modern day times with President Obama in the speech edit we reviewed and blogged about in class monday. Speech and document editing is common and always has been apparently.
it was also interesting learning a little bit more about the history of both of these historical happenings. it was a nice refresher of some of the facts about why these took place, when, and how we recognize these events.

Week 8 readings.

In the fourth grade I had to memorize the Gettysburg Address. I remember that assignment being so hard. I would memorize little bits of it each day until I could remember the whole thing. I spent so much time just memorizing it never crossed my mind to think about what Abraham Lincoln meant when he wrote the Gettysburg Address or why it's significant. Listening to the Gettysburg Address today I was stunned how short it was. I think that's one of the reasons it was so powerful when it was first delivered. I thought the power point presentation was amusing just because out of all the documents and speeches given in our nation's history I think the Gettysburg Address is the least appropriate speech for a power point presentation. Though I would really like it if President Obama used a power point presentation for the State of the Union Address.
As far as the Declaration of Independence goes, I can sympathize with Thomas Jefferson. It must of been hard to watch a document that you've work so hard on and that's so important be subjected to other ideas and torn apart. My favorite part of the reading was the very end where it mentions that the calligrapher made mistakes and had to make a few unattractive corrections. I would love to see one of the Dunlap prints with the "haphazard" capitalization. I'm curious to know which version King George III received. The Declaration of Independence and the Gettysburg Address are both very significant to the history of the United States so I think it's really interesting how one was distributed like propaganda and the other was written on the back of an envelope. It's a good reminder that a message doesn't need to be formal to be important.

Composing America-Gettysburg Address

After reading about the Declaration of Independence and the Gettysburg Address I was amazed at one particular thing. It never crossed my mind that these documents had to be revised just like any other document. I always thought that a bunch of men sat in a room and just wrote what came to their mind and that was how these documents were made. I was totally wrong for thinking that. Revision has been around for much longer than I ever thought. Just to think that if someone didn’t revise the Declaration of Independence then how my life would be different today. I am sure that it would not be like it is now. After looking at the different ways that the Gettysburg Address can be presented it made me think of it in a totally different way. I am a very musical person and I was very interested in the way Johnny Cash presented it. I thought it was very neat that you can take a historical document and turn it into something modern that will catch the attention of people. I would much rather see it in a musical way than in a written out form. If it is presented in a musical form I think that it sticks in my mind a little better.

Composing America (Blog Week 8)

I was kind of stunned after reading the articles that Thomas Starr and James Munves wrote. I never have heard much of this stuff about the Declaration of Independence. I knew who the people were that composed the document, but I didn't know that it was so heavily edited by Congress. If Congress knew they were going to edit it anyway why didn't they just write and save those 5 men their time? It just seems kind of dumb how Congress did that and it made Jefferson very angry because they took out some stuff that he thought was important that's why he wrote the stuff he did. I thought it was kind of cool how in two weeks of having the declaration printed there were only 24 copies of it actually made. I think today there would be millions of copies made within a day. Just shows how far we have come along in printing. I didn't know that Thomas Paine's "Common Sense" influenced Congress that summer in 1776, very interesting. I also like how Jefferson sent copies of his original text to some of his friends in Virginia, just to show how much Congress edited and revised the declaration. I liked how Edmund Pendleton said that Congress changed it "much for the worse." It seems kind of like he was foreshadowing bad times for our country. Was interesting read this week!

COMPOSINGamerica&GETTYSBURGaddress -- JK

Personally I never think of revision. To think that important documents in history had to be revised makes perfect sense, since they are extremely important. So the revisers of these documents are just as important as the writers. Without revision the day our country's independence was voted of would be completely different. Without revision history would be changed. It's also pretty cool that different drafts tell us different things about history. Lincoln's Gettysburg Address drafts show us that he wrote different parts at different times. It shows us that he might have changed the speech very close to the time he gave it. It's also cool that he added in his own notes and his handwriting is preserved in history forever.

I think it's important to realize that revision has been here since before they called it revision and it's necessary when trying to put your best work out there. As annoying and sometimes painful as revising over and over is, it will only make you look better. Who knows, maybe if Lincoln didn’t revise the way he had maybe the Gettysburg Address wouldn’t be as famous as it is today.

The Gettysburg Address presented by different people and in different ways was very interesting. The Johnny Cash version I really liked because of the music and his voice. This made me pay more attention then I would usually. The powerpoint really did nothing for me. I would have rather just read the real Address because really the power point showed nothing. I think the different ways the Address was presented also tied together the way people learn and the different learning techniques.

The True Declaration (BG)

After reading convergences, i learned a little more about the Declaration of Independance as well as the Gettysburg Adress. I learned a little bit about both in alot of my history classess, but i can honestly say, after reading this i was more intrested than the speeches i heard before. The Declaration of Independance can be viewed today in the National Archives in Washington. I find it interesting that we call it a declaration, but its not really a declaration. Members of the commettie have revised and edited this document many times before it is presented to congress. The current copy is actually a third copy of this document. When you look at the first copy and now look at the third, you can see how much work and how many changes were made. It shows that the commettie took the time to sit down and revise this document. you can see all the scratch outs and things that were rewritten. In the Gettysburg adress, I noticed that Abraham Lincoln also made drafts of this document. I feel that it is appropriate to have many drafts concidering these are two very important documents to our history and what is written is correct and acurate. At some points it was hard for me to stay focoused on the topic, but with the guitar paired with Jhonny Cash's voice, i found it easier to pay attention to the adress and what was being said. I really enjoyed this weeks reading.

America and Gettysburg- Greg Knapp

The different ways that the Gettysburg address was presented were quite interesting. I started off with listening to Johnny Cash’s address. I was able to quickly pick up on the music playing in the background. I was never able to pay attention to the address. Not that I didn’t care but it was presented in such a boring way that I found it hard to keep concentrated. However, the acoustic guitar paired with Johnny Cash’s voice made it very easy for me to pay attention and actually grasp the concept of the address. Next, I looked at the power point which I found to be short and almost disrespectful. When it was put into six short power points, I think it took away the true meaning of the address. I think that this is one thing that has to be presented through sound in order to fully grasp the speech.

The reading in convergences brought up some things about the Declaration that I did not know of. The book talked of how the document was spread across the colonies. You would think that they were using modern technology to spread it. It spread very rapidly because of the importance to “New America”. They also talked about how the copy in the National Archives Museum is actually the third version due to revisions. Even in 1776, revision was a very important factor when drafting papers or documents. Congress got their hands on it and went to work. Jefferson was very against this and even sent his edition to friends. This shows early disputes over papers. Revisions are important in every aspect of writing. Even when dealing with documents that formed this nation.

Composing America and Gettysburg Address

Gettysburg Address- honestly, after only listening to Johnny Cash's version I was more interested. I have previously learned about the Gettysburg address and was bored. As bad as it is to say that about a huge part of history it bored me. Johnny Cash adding the guitar and just his amazing voice saying it made it so much easier to follow and so much easier to listen to. The power point presentation just completely lost me. He made that HUGE speech into basically nothing. It was a short power point, at he same time it was kind of cool seeing how he outlined the main points and just threw them out there for people to absorb. Sometimes all we need is a bottom line.

Convergences - I find it amazing that someone like Abraham Lincoln had advisers help him with his speech. From what I have previously learned about President Lincoln was that he was an extremely intelligent, honest, and trustworthy man. I do not know why it just seems to crazy that someone like him, even that far back in time had to have others review his speech. It almost makes me wonder if he was truly as intelligent as history tells us he was, or did all the advising he had done make him appear to be that intelligent. If you think about it, we could be fooled everyday by the leaders of our country because of the people who work for them. Are our presidents really that intelligent? I realize that is not exactly where they were going with this, but that is all I could think about.

The Real Declaration

After reading the pages in Convergences, I learned a little bit about The Declaration of Independence and the Gettysburg Address. The history of the Declaration was actually interesting. The Declaration you can view today is at the National Archives in Washington. However, it is not the actual declaration,it is the third copy. Jefferson composed the text, but it was revised by committee members before being presented to congress. The declaration was then sent to John Dunlap. We celebrate that day with the forth of July. I feel that we celebrate independence on the day of the printing rather then the day it was signed because it took so long to finally get a readable and efficient draft. The draft was going to be signed anyways, so we just celebrate on the day where the declaration was finished. After looking at the pictures of the revised copy, it shows that the committee took the time to revise it a number of times. There a multiple things scratched out and rewritten.
In the Gettysburg Address Abraham Lincoln made many drafts as well. I feel that both of these documents were rewritten so many times to ensure proper ideas and statements. Both documents where a major time in history. If we looked back at history with no revisions made to the documents,we might not have the same positive outlook on our leaders that we do today. The declaration was more formal and concise after the revisions, as well as the Gettysburg Address. I believe the revisions were made because of the same reasons as Obama made them in his speech. Just like we discussed in class, all documents should be revised. it just depends on the person revising.

Obama's Revised Speech

After looking at all of the corrections that Obama made to his speech, I think that it is neat to see someone with such high power still make mistakes on a paper just like everyone else. One of the biggest changes that I noticed he made was to address certain people. I think that is very important when you are writing such a powerful speech because you want everyone to be recognized equally. The problem arises when you leave one person or one party out, then that person or party is going to think that they less than another person or party. Another change that I thought was very significant was the first line that I read. Obama replaces “him” with “Teddy”. I believe that this is very important because after the death of Ted Kennedy, it is only respectful to address him appropriately. Using his name is way more significant than just saying “him”.

Obama Speech Edit

I feel that the edits that Obama made on his speech were quite appropriate and i can see why he made them. He turned certain words such as "him" to "Teddy" and adding the word "American" in front of the word character. this showed he was was trying to touch the hearts of the listeners get them to support his cause. he used names instead of general pronouns, and added words that appealed to the audience. he used historical references in terms of explaining how if it werent for government, in some sense, monopolies, market crashes, and the vulnerable being exploited would all actively exist today. Obama also uses alot of words that tend to comfort Americans such as, golden years, peace, and keeping promises. His word choice was critical in getting this health care legislation passed in my opinion and he put that speech together!

In-Class Readings - Obama's Speach Edits.

Overall looking at the article, the changes that I have seen him make are just little tiny additions. Nothing to dramatic and most of the changes are adding a few words to make things more personal. Which brings me to my next point, he made these small changes to make the speach more personal. He wanted to add that affect that would make you put yourself in the shoes of others. For example look at the Ted Kennedy paragraph. Where it talks about having children with cancer and how difficult it would be. Personally when I read this article I felt the need to compare myself to this family, to step into their shoes. Or at least that is the feeling I recieved from the way President Obama stated it. I feel as if the speach was made just to almost suck up to those who are listening. Another example to prove that fact would be when it shows the multiple edits he did to the one line talking about the government. He edited it over and over until it sounded like he was talking directly to the people as if none of it was there fault and they should have been provided with the governments help in the first place. He is trying to make himself sound as if he is one of the normal everday Americans, and although I have no problems with President Obama, I think we all know that he is not an everyday American.

Obama's Speech Edits

I do think there were reasons behind most of the edits, he wasn't just trying to jazz up the speech. He's trying to offer big things without being held completely responsible. He's trying to sound warmer. He's trying to sound more personal and more connected with U.S. citizens. He's using editing techniques that all other politicians use, just changing certain words and phrasing to almost mean the same thing.

The change from "by some measure of security and fair play that only government can ensure" to "and an acknowledgment that sometimes government has to step in to help deliver on that promise" I think that this change was to make the phrase sound softer and almost take some of the responsibility off of the government. The use of "sometimes" and "help" gives him room for exceptions. Saying "only the government can ensure" leaves it all up to the government all of the pressure is on them.

Changing some of the pronouns to "Teddy" and saying "our seniors" makes it personable. Teddy sounds like a guy everyone knows and can relate to, "him" or "he" is a little less relatable. Using "our" puts Obama and the rest of the government on the same level as the citizens, it creates a sense of unity.

Obama's Speech Edits

Edits are no doubt an important part of writing any paper. When you have a whole nation listening to your speech and critizing it, edits will probably the most crucial part in writing that speech. Obama gave his speech on the reform of health care in the US with the utmost confidence and knew that the edits he made were for the better. When reading the excerpt from his speech and then looking at the edits he made, it seems he made those revisions so that he could connect with the American people. One example that promotes this idea quite well is when hes talking about Ted Kennedy's children being ill. He changes the line from "or his ability to imagine what it must be like for those without insurance" to "and he was able to imagine what it must be like for those without insurance". The first of those sounds more rough and makes it seem as if since he's higher up on the political chain that he can see what it's like for us down here in regular life. But when he says he was able to imagine, that sounds like he is one of us in regular life. Obama does this a couple times throughout his speech and I think there is nothing wrong with making a few edits to an important document, just as the writers of the Declaration of Independence did.

OBAMA

I THINK A BIG REASON OBAMA CHANGED ALOT OF THE WAYS HE WAS TRYING TO SAY THINGS WAS SO THAT THE GENERAL PUBLIC COULD BETTER UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WAS TRYING TO SAY.NOT EVERYONE IN THE U.S. UNDERSTANDS POLITICAL TERMINOLOGY I KNOW I DONT.I THINK ANOTHER REASON HE CHANGED ALOT OF HIS PHRASES WAS TO GIVE HIS AUDIENCE A FEELING OF SECURITY.HE WANTS TO MAKE IT SOUND AS IF HE IS SPEAKING TO EACH AND EVERY INDIVIDUAL SPECIFICALY.BY DOING THAT HE MORE THAN LIKELY WILL GET A MORE POSITIVE RESPONSE FROM HIS AUDIENCE.BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY LIKE MR SLOAN SAID ANYTHING A POLITICIAN SAYS IS ANALIZED UNDER A MICROSCOPE ESPECIALLY THE PRESIDENT SO HE PROBABLY WANTS TO MAKE SURE HE DOESNT SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT.

Obama Essay

I think President Obama made the changes that he did to his essay to make it sound more personal and focus more on Ted Kennedy. In the first sentience he adds "of us" so that narrows the audience. He then adds "Teddy" an informal nickname to show a connection to his subject. The next changes he made were "He never forgot" and "he was never able to" adding more of a focus on Ted Kennedy and changing it from a general statement to an opinion on Ted Kennedy's beliefs. I would say that most of the statements added are to draw emotion and sympathy from the audience. The changes make the essay more active. It explains what the government needs to do and it addresses both parties in it's need for action. Simple changes like adding "I know that" makes the speech sound more credible. In general the essay makes the audience more involved and engages them.

Obama Speech (Kevin)

Obama's speech has many markups and there may be may reasons behind them but I am going to tell you why I think he made the changes. The first sentence goes from, "but those who knew him and worked with him here" to, "but those of us who knew Teddy and worked with him here." I think President Obama added the words "of us" so that instead of picking out a certain few people the word us makes it seem like he is talking to everyone. He also added changed the word him to Teddy so he didn't have the word "him" used too much in the sentence. The next change he mad was that he added the words, "He never forgot" to the beginning of a sentence. He did this to show that Ted Kennedy, instead of having sheer terror and helplessness, still knows what the feeling was like for the people that may be going through the same thing. He also changed "and his ability" to "and he was able." He might have done this for two reason, one being he over use of the word him that i talked about with my first example or he changed it to make it seem less like an ability, something he can do, to something that he had push through and work through. Whatever Obama's reasoning is behind all of his corrections this is what I thought of the first few.

Obama Speech

I believe that Obama made changes to his speech to make it seem like everyone was involved in it and to make it more personal. For example, when when Obama actually says "Ted" and not him. I think he made it more personal by using people's names and by grouping Republicans and Democrats together. By grouping these two parties together I believe he was just trying to get both sides to vote for it and pass the bill. Judging by the editing of the speech I saw I think he made it better. I think the part that Obama edited about the Government sometimes having to step in to help deliver that promise was a good change because in the United States of America the government is ran by the people so you don't want to make it seem like the government will force everything upon you. Also, as Mike said in his comment, Obama more than likely didn't make the first draft so he was probably just putting his style into it. I also agree with the first comment by JCD that says people look way to far into these types of things. He believes that Obama was just editing the Speech and not editing activist government in his speech, and I agree with him.

A more perfect speech-obama

In my opinion I beleive Obama made the changes to his speech because he wanted his speech to be on a more personal level with the country and people he was speaking to. His additions to the speech consisted of changing the sentences around by adding the word "us" or "we". This in return would look like to most people that he is on the same level as the majority of americans. Talking to them on a more personal level allows the people to be more trusting towards him and it often gives the audience a better understanding of what is being said. It always seems like he was altering his speech to provide america with the knowledge that he wants to "help" the country, talking about seniors who need help, etc. He wanted to let America know that he was here to help each person. That is what he wanted it to seem like. Making it personal. I beleive the additions and corrections he made to his speech provided a lot for it.

Obama

I think that Obama made the changes to his speech to make it more effective. To have an effective speech especially in politics, everything has to be perfect since so many people are listening to it. Some of his changes were made to make it more easily to understand or to make a point proven. When he was going through it he obviously thought of better things to say, so that is why the changes took place. Whenever a writer goes through something they write there are always changes to be made to make it sound better. Therefore, after he went through his first copy he corrected his mistakes to make him sound better while reading the speech. He could of just made the changes to make people for him on his speech and so that it was liked by the people. There could be many reasons for the changes but no one will really know but him, but we can make guesses as to why the changes were made.

"Our"NationalStory

The president is, in fact, the most powerful man in the world, is the leader of the leading nation, and therefore, must always be professional. Everything he says is going to be heard and quoted by billions. Because his audience is such a wide variety of people, it is important for him to say what needs to be said and at the same time keep his words personable. That is why I think he made all of those changes. There are many different ways that he could have said the points that he made throughout the speech, however, the wording and phrasing was changed so that it could be more relatable to an array of individuals. For example, the fact that Obama even brought up Ted Kennedy's children that had suffered from cancer makes everyone immediately get emotional. Most people know someone that has suffered from cancer, and when the words come up, we think of that person or people. After he says that Teddy "never forgot the sheer terror and helplessness that any parent feels." By simply adding "he never forgot," parents now relate to the example as well as Ted Kennedy which puts them at a higher scale of interest because they felt the same emotions that he felt. There are many other effective changes that Obama made that changes the mood of the entire speech. He added small phrases throughout the entire page that changed it to be more effective than it originally was.

Obama- Greg Knapp

When reading the passage on Obama's edits, I found a couple of things that caught my attention. In two phrases he changed, he was trying to win over the people of America and the members of Congress. The first phrase, “over half of our seniors could not support themselves and millions had seen their savings wiped away”, Obama was trying to gain the support of the United States people. He didn’t have anything like this before he edited and I think that he knew he needed something to grasp the attention of the population and gain their support. The other phrase he used was: “members of Congress Democrats and Republicans […] They joined together so that all of us could enter our golden years with some basic peace of mind.” With this phrase he set out to win the votes of congress on both sides to try and get this bill to pass. He used history to show that at one time both the democrats and republicans joined together for the better of the country. He was doing everything he could to get this bill to pass.

Why Make the Changes?

I believe that Obama made changes to "our National Story" because he wanted the speech to reflect his own personal emotions. He may have felt, by reading over it, that the speech did not sound right and wanted to revise it. By adding and omitting some of the words that he did, I feel that it does sound better. Not only does it sound better, but it makes me feel like he cares enough to revise a speech probably written by someone else. I like that he named specific people like "Teddy" as well as certain groups of people. He got more personal with the speech therefore, the impact on the audience would be much greater. He added phrases like "I know that..." this to me signifies that Obama is aware of topics that need addressed, and that he is willing to take the time to fix them. By saying "I" it feels more powerful in a speech rather then saying "my team and I." Overall, the seepch seems more thought out and personal.

Obamas changes (BG)

I think Obama made these changes because it sounded better and flowed better with what was being said. I think that Obama makes things sound more professional. In the revisoins he talks about the health care not only for the kids but the elderly as well. I know for kids important for them to stay healthy but at the same time, the elderly have so many medications to be on, and some go to the lengths of cutting pills, to make them last longer. I think that Obama went back and did these revisions, because in his job, everything you say counts. you got to be careful of what you say and how you say it. this artical was kind of hard for me to follow but i did get some things out of it. such as the medical care and how we are all in this together, and how he wants to help families. i think that he made the revisions so he can be confident in what he says and is sure its easy to follow for the listeners. i personally never thought he would have to make that many revisions, but in the end, if it gets his message across, then i guess its all worth it in the end.

Why Obama made specific changes ?

I believe obama made those specific changes for many reasons. One would be to reach out more to the audiance of poloticians and to grap their attention more. If he didn't keep his audiance interested and focused on the subject he was talking about he would not have been taken very seriously when he was running for office. Obama made those changes to sound more polotical and more percise in what he was taking about, trying to be more specific in what he was saying about healthcare and financial benefits , insurance that sort of concept. If you were the president of the united states and you had to give a speech just like obama did would you have taken the time to make sure that everey word was percise. Yeah , because you wouldn't want to be booed right of stage and someone telling you that you are not doing your job and how you should do this or do that, just someone trying to tell you what you should have done. We all have to understand that giving a speech is very hard, especially writing one which we have all done in some point in our lives. We just have to make sure every puncuation point is in its place and to make sure everything is neat and well written because you never know when some one will be listening to what you say and to judge how you feel. You always need to sound confident in yourself and be pround in what you are saying so that you can grab your audiances attention very well and will sound very proffesional .

SPEECHedit -- JK

Honestly what I see that was changed seemed like he just wanted to be on a more personal level. Or that's how he wanted to appear. By adding "we","us", and "our" it makes it seem like he thinks he is one of us. Since people think of him as a celebrity I think it can be hard for people to believe that he wants to help the country. By using these certain words it makes it seems like his concern is just as great as ours.

When composing a speech you really have to make it based on your target audience. Based on these changes he's made I think that he just thinks the speech would be more effective with certain pronouns and active verbs. With active verbs comes the notion that things may actually get done or things are being done. By putting them into a speech definitely might make people feel better about the situation at hand.

obama's mark up

A lot of the editing that Obama did was changing words to say we, our, us. This allows his speech to make listeners feel connected to the things that he is talking about. By grouping everyone together as a whole it takes away from his superiority and has him appear to be just a regular citizen almost.
The change of "has to step in to help deliver that promise" from "security and fair play that only government can ensure" gives the government more leniant power. Obama went from saying the government ensure things to it helps deliver. This tells the people that the government does their best but may not always do what they promise, not something an American really wants to hear, however it is better than false hope and Obama is recognizing that the government hasn't always kept its promises to the American citizens, and that it may not always in the future.
i do also agree with the comment that a lot of Obama's edits are just a second hand look at his speech which can be improved for listener's to better understand and follow what he is saying. perhaps these extensive edits are just to be a better speech, then a written word.

Obama's revisions

In Obama's revisions there were some that changed the way the audience felt on the essay and there werre others that were much more suttle in changing the meaning. In the fourth paragraph he adds "over half of our seniors could not support themselves and millions had seen their savings wiped away". I believe that he adds this just to get an emotional response out of the audience. It helps the audience visually understand what is going on better than when he just says in 1935, because some people may have not known what specific event happened on this particular day. In paragraph 6 he adds " I know that" by saying this it makes it known that he is aware of the issue instead of stating the issue. This makes the public more aware to the importance of what he is getting at. Also i find it funny in addition 2 at the bottom he restates "and an acknowledgment that sometimes government has to step in to help deliver on that promise. ". This shows that he didnt want to put full responsibility on the government because the original version left out the sometimes part.

Obama's Speech (In-Class Blog Week 8)

When reading Obama's speech some of the changes stuck out more then others, it made sense to change some of the sentences. The change that first stuck out to me was how he brought in "Teddy." He made these changes to directly relate the speech to people. When he related the speech to Ted Kennedy it made it seem more interesting and people would continue you to listen and understand or relate to what he has gone through with dealing with a very sick child. So using an example of someone's own experiences and how it can directly relate to someone with insurance and how it can affect someone without insurance. Without an example people wouldn't seem to pull in the idea more. He really must have hit home when he addressed senior citizens and how they couldn't afford to support themselves without insurance. There he attacks a certain group and that group will listen more and understand that if something bad were to happen that they might not be able to support themselves without medical insurance. He raises some eyebrows by making these changes because he directly relates the speech to groups or experiences of known people.

Obama's edits

I think that President Obama made the changes that he did to appeal more to the audience. At the beginning he makes sure the audience knows the relationship between himself and his good pal "Teddy". He made it sound more personal by adding in his own stories. This could've been done because he didn't write the speech to begin with and with the use of "we" and "I" and other more personal words, it made it look like he did write it. Or he could've wrote and it and made these edits to show that he has an understanding and can relate to his topic and the people involved. Some of his changes puts a more happy Hollywood touch on the speech that make all political parties happy. All the tactics he uses are exactly what you would expect from any politician. He knew what those changes would do and how the audience would respond to each one. I think that his edits served their purpose and probably gave him the exact response that he wanted. I would agree with the edits he made. He's a good speaker and knows how to appeal to different kinds of audiences.

OBAMA

Looking at his revised paper it is very over whelming. He has to bascialy make a perfect speech seeing he is the president of the United States. I never really thought about the revision processes for him it must be very stresseful and he prolly has people check it over and over again so he doesnt look like a fool. this article was hard for me to understand but what i did get some things out of it. In his paper i liked how he said we are all in this together i feel that is ture and he wants to help familes with sick childern and for the health care bill. It also talked about the health care for the elderly. I know for the elderly it must be tough because a lot of them need medication and there social secerity which they worked hard for. I think he made his revisions because when you are a polition everything you say matters. he also had to make things sound perfesiniol and so that people could follow what he was saying and take in and understand all of it. in the beging at first he said him but then changed it and adressed teddy which was more profesinial, also in many cases i saw that he changed the way he worded things. i never really though about all the corrections he has to make.

obama's speech

I believe that Obama made the changes to his speech for a couple of reasons. One before his speech in some places did not originally make sense. I have always been taught when you use some pronouns for example "him or her" make some people ask him who? Who is this person you are talking about? By changing that “him” to” Teddy” helps answer these kinds of questions. Some of his other changes may have been made to further develop some of his ideas so the rest of us Americans can understand his ideas and plans for our society instead of being short and not making sense. I found it kind of amusing that he actually put in a space for a pause which made me wonder then does he have people clap for him there if the rest of society does not clap. How does he know society will clap? I think he could of done without adding that to his speech because he could easily just stop talking when many people start clapping. I think the rest of his changes did have positive results on his paper because it helped the rest of society understand everything he was trying to say.

week 8 comp. america kyle

In the Composing America article from convergences the writer says that we celebrate the independance of our country on a day that a typed document was created, but we give so much attention to a calligraphy edition, which was written at a later date. It shows the importance of appearance not only in society but in our early founding fathers. I believe its celebrated on a different day because of how the constitution looked. They didn’t want to use an old version. They wanted to establish what was being said and then make it look more professional. The fact that it was handwritten and had all of the signatures on it helped its appearance. Norvigs powerpoint presentation The Ghettysburg address makes the speech seem pretty typical and boring. It doesn’t show a lot of the importance in the speech which was how Lincoln was able to evoke certain feelings by the tone in his voice that he used when he gave the speech. During this time period there was a lot going on and a lot of emotional connections to them. Lincoln connects to his audience by evoking the same feelings that America felt in his speech. I think the powerpoint took a lot away from it.

Composing America

I found this reading to be interesting and easy to read. All throughout school I have always been big on learning about history. I think that history is very interesting because you can always learn something new no matter what you are learning about. While reading I found a lot of things that really stuck out to me. One thing that did was how Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence. The way he wrote was different than how most people would. He would barely use capital letters and mainly used then for an emphasis. I don't think that Jefferson's writing should have been corrected by Dunlap, and that it should have been published the way it was. Jefferson was the one that wrote it so it should of stayed the way he wrote it because that would make it the true document. I also found it interesting how Lincoln used drafts while he was writing the Gettysburg Address. I never would have thought that back in the days people would use them. Lincoln had a few drafts and as talked about they were different every time he wrote a new one. Since it is one of the most important speeches, I think it was important to write drafts to make it perfect.

Composing America

This weeks reading was actually pretty interesting. I never knew that The Declaration of Independence had 3 version and the 3rd one is the one that Americans recognize as "the original". Even in our history classes back in high school, we never learned that there were 3 copies. Looking at the first draft it makes it clearly known that it took a lot of revisions to make the document perfect. I also never knew that it was made to be posted as posters around towns. The 3rd copy was made or drafted after New York had voted on independence and therefore changed the heading to "The unanimous declaration".

About the Gettysburg Address, I didn't know that there were 5 copies. 3 of which were made after the speech had been given. I think it's weird that Lincoln went back the day after he gave his speech and revised it. The only thing I can think of is that he some how knew that his speech would be documented and he wanted something out of it for the future.

I also like Johnny Cash's reading of The Gettysburg Address. I like how he plays his guitar in the background as he reads it. Me being a big fan of the Man in Black, I think there was no one better besides Lincoln himself to read the address.

ComposingAmerica

Going off of the ideas from the article "The Real Declaration" by Thomas Starr, I find it interesting how my views differ when reading typography versus reading calligraphy. When I think about The Declaration of Independence and the forefathers of our country, I picture wise men debating. I think about how they put all of their "rough drafts" and different ideas together and that morphed into the document that remains our countries foundation. The fact that the original document was written out instead of being printed out, to me, makes it more personal. The people of the United States had something to say. They were united as one person and it was time for things to start changing. The fact that everyone had formed all of their ideas into a document in Old English with perfect grammar made the argument very convincing. I think that had it been typography, it would be less personal. For example, when I made my thank you cards for people that attended my graduation party, I could have easily typed out one card and made copies to send out to everyone on the guest list. Instead, I made a personal letter for everyone that had been to my party. This way, they would know that I took the time to personalize their thank you letter. In the same sense, a professional document that was written as the basis of the United States' basic principles is more personal because it is printed in handwriting and signed by the forefathers of America.

Composing America

The readings for this week were very interesting to me because history has always been my one of my favorite subjects. I thought it was funny to see the mispellings done in the hand written copy.

I liked reading the essay comparing documents that are typed and those that are written by hand. I personally, have always preferred writing by hand rather than typing. I like to feel a sense of humanity behind the writing, it makes what it is being said more personal and relatable. Although I can see the writer's point in that typing a document like that makes more sense when regarding something that represents democracy. It makes it look uniform and is more representative of group thinking. However, I like the formality that the calligraphy brings it makes it look very professional and more heartfelt, like so much time was put into it.

Comparing the different presentations of the Gettysburg Address was also interesting. The best presentation of it was the spoken version, the inflections help to give it meaning and emotion. In the typed one you see the point of the speech, and in the powerpoint you see the main ideas in the speech.

Composing America (Kevin)

Once I looked over the reading I was dreading actually reading it but once I started getting into it I saw it was very interesting. We went over it a little bit in my government class in high school and the only thing I remember was that Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of happiness in the declaration are different front John Locke's Life Liberty and Property and the Bill of Rights. Other than that I don't really remember anything else from that class. I did learn that we we celebrate when the first draft was created on the 4th of July and not when the official version was finished. The official version which used calligraphy was signed on August second and this is the version we go by today. But why do we celebrate on July 4th instead of August 2nd?

As for the Gettysburg address I thought Norvig's powerpoint was really boring and I got almost no information about it. It was too short and very vague. Listening to Johnny Cash's version of the Gettysburg address was interesting. It was cool how he played the guitar while he said it but I also found it really depressing and sad. He used a very deep voice and used passion in his voice to show the importance of what he was saying.

Composing America

When I found out we were going to have to blog on history I was kind of sad because I have never liked history before. But once I started reading the pages we had to read I became very interested. I did indeed actually enjoy this reading. I agree with what they were saying at the beginning of the reading where they talk about how it is hard to tell how real the history being told is or how fabricated it is. They talked about how television might do this. Of course it is going to be educational and tell you the majority of what happened in the event, but television producers will fabricate certain events to make them more viewable to the audience. The companies want the audience to watch their show or movie and half of America will believe that really happened in the past due to the fact that they were not there for that event or happening. When they do add a love story to a movie that takes place during a history event, it really does make the movie or show more interesting. But if you think about it, it is kind of sad that many people might think this is exactly how the event took place so many years ago in history. They do not take into account the fabrication that takes place in the movie. So all in all, people in America will never know true history unless they have experienced it themselves.

week 8

When reading I was interested at first but then memories of high school came about because we talked about the Constitution in my government class. I learned some new things while reading this week though. Most people think the deceleration as "life Liberty and the pursuit of happiness, yes those are big things in it but there is so much more that i feel people aren't getting out of it. some which im not even. i found it interesting that they didn't get the deceleration of independence signed by every one till Aug 2. why is forth of July when it is though?? When writing they had many drafts i think of writing as 3 drafts, but i guess it makes more sense seeing as how important the deceleration actually is. they also used revising a couple months after which i feel would work, seeing as how they had so much info in one document, which was called calligraphy. the gettys burg address speech power point was very blahh to me it did not seem interesting just a bunch of number lines points. I feel the original speech would have been much better. but when i was reading it, it made me think of how the person actually says it because we had to listen to it in school. this brought back memories of my past years of learning i remember we had to learn rhymes in 5th grade for the Constitution one was "freedom of the press the right to pray freedom of religion there used each day".

Dowling Gettysburg Address+Composing America

In the Composing America article from convergences the writer exposes that we celebrate the independance of our country on a day that a typed document was created, but we give so much attention to a calligraphy edition, which was written a few months later. I think the reason behind th caligraphy version being so praised and being put on display for americans is that it is the most antique looking, and seemingly official. Even though independace was declared prior to this copy being made it's appearance makes it seem the most official with all the signatures and the fact that it is hand written. The different copies are all written differently and the writer even points out some mistakes in the most "well known" version.

The Gettysburg Address powerpoint presentation by Norvig makes the speech seem very bland. It takes away a lot of the importance of the speech. It is simply bullet points which would seem to be a guide of what Lincoln was thinking when preparing the speech rather than what the speech actually said. As for Johnny Cash's audio of the speech he first introduces it, and then recites the speech with music in the background. The music adds a very different sound than simply just hearing the words. It almost makes it seem more effective. It would definitely catch people's attention more than simply words on a piece of paper, and possibly more than a simply speaking the words.

composing america- week 8

As I began reading this weeks assignment my first thought was that this is going to be super boring and put this off as much as I could. When I started the read the part about the Real Declaration I began to become a little more interested because I thought maybe I would learn something I did not already learn about the Declaration. I definitely think most people only think of the Declaration as "life liberty and the pursuit of happiness." Unless I totally missed this part of the reading, I do not understand why our Independence Day is July fourth if the document was not completely signed until the second of August. I found it interesting how people back in the day used capitalization and grammar properly. When I had thought I might learn something based on the title of the article I was right in what I was thinking once I reached Going to Press. I thought it was interesting how the article explained step by step on how the Declaration was put in public. I think what we have already discussed about how some ideas can be stated changes their meanings comes into play with the Declaration. Since Jefferson was happy with the way he had stated what he had written, but when others wanted to edit his ideas he was not very happy. Just the way they changed a sentence from "The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America;" to "A DECLARATION BY THE REPRESENTATIVES OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA in GENERAL CONGRESS ASSEMBLED." I think this change makes the reader think that the rest of the information is very important and the title also really grabs the readers attention instead of the previous title.

Composing America/Gettysburg Address x 3

While reading in the book I learned a lot of random information about people and media back in Colonial America. I never knew that there were many types of the same documents; such as drafts, typographies and Calligraphies. I always thought that there would be only be one or two drafts and then a main copy. I thought it was interesting how the Declaration of Independence we look at is from August 2, 1776 rather than July 4, 1776. I thought this related to our class in a few different ways. I thought it was interesting how they used different capitalizations and things of that sort when they were working with different things. Such as today, when we type and write it different than when we text with a phone. I thought that the Gettysburg address x 3 related to the book a lot because it should the Address in the different forms. It showed it in Bullets (which I see as the draft), type (which I see as the typographic type), and the song (which I see as the final product). I know obviously that these types of media weren't invented yet but it still shows a process. I think that the song is the most effective version of these three. It just goes to show that even back in Colonial America they changed the way they talked when using different media too. I also think it relates to our class because we have to use the processes as they used to edit the Declaration of Independence (Draft, Revise, Final). Overall, this was a very interesting topic to blog on because I had no idea about a lot of this information.